Marriage is Harder These Days Than Ever

If you are like me, some days you feel like your marriage is under attack because you need to better understand how to communicate effectively with your spouse to bring about a peaceful, happy haven called “home.” You are not alone in that feeling.

Some days it even feels like it’s our own spouse attacking the relationship.

But that’s not true.

Most of the time, it’s ignorance causing us to hurt the ones we love.

It might be the way you were raised. Or maybe it’s the way your significant other was raised. It may be a traumatic event that happened to cause frustrations in your marriage that make communication unbearable at times.

And the “information overload” we all operate in from all the noise, media, and gadgets around us don’t help create an environment conducive to great communication. Wait, what am I saying? ANY communication (except online), for that matter.

I am married to a man the COMPLETE opposite of me. He likes to go out and play. I like to stay in and be creative or read. He likes to jump out of airplanes. I like my feet on the ground, thank you very much. He likes wrestling with the kids. I don’t want any of them to get hurt. He doesn’t like conflict. I like to air problems out in the open to resolve them quickly. You get my point.

Because of all our differences, it really affects our communication.

I usually say it how it is without sugar-coating it, while that tends to be detrimental to communication because his love language is words of affirmation (check out the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman to figure out yours and your spouse’s love language{s}). Unfortunately, giving verbal praise is not built into my DNA. It’s something I have to fight REALLY hard to overcome.

I have to make it a point to say, “you look nice today,” and actually notice what he’s wearing and mean my compliment.

Because he’s a “feeler” and emotional, he takes things personally more easily than I do and can misunderstand things the way I tend to say them. I have to be very aware of how I’m coming across.

However, it’s my job as his spouse to know that about him and do my best to communicate well with him in a language that he can understand and not get hurt by.

Is it hard? You have NO idea.

Is it possible to do it successfully? ABSOLUTELY.

These simple steps will help you understand your partner, how to communicate better with them, and explain what you need from them better:

~ Find out their love language (Five Love Languages book)

~ Find out YOUR love language and share it with your spouse

~ Find out more about your spouse’s personality. It will give you a LOT of information of how to effectively communicate with them (a great book for this is Personality Plus by Florence Littauer; there is even a version of this book specifically for couples).

~ Find out how they grew up, their interactions with their family, what would make them upset in their childhood relationships.

~ Before reacting to negative communication, pause and think about the matter from your partner’s perspective. Then RESPOND accordingly (you are less likely to “blow” and say something you’ll regret later if you have paused and had time to think about things).

~ Give them the benefit of the doubt. You could have worded something the wrong way that hurt their feelings. You may need to apologize and state what you really meant.

~ Be quick to apologize if you are at fault.

In all things, realize that your spouse is not your enemy. In most communication breakdowns, someone is reacting because of an assumption, a misunderstanding, or based on their experiences and beliefs of something in their childhood, or even adulthood, that turned out, in their eyes, negatively. Something about your current conversation may be reminding them of that, and they are getting defensive as a means of protecting themselves.

Remember, there was a reason you fell in love with this person. It’s ALWAYS worth working it out and considering all the factors in the other person’s life affecting their perspectives.

Perspectives aren’t truth. They are how we see things and therefore, make us feel a certain way.

Be quick to respond in love, in TRUTH, and bring peace back into the relationship.

Have you had success with your relationship once you figured out more about their childhood, personality, and love languages?

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JessBio200 Marriage is Harder These Days Than EverJessica Stone is a wife, mom to 4, and owner of her own businesses in the fitness and essential oils industries. She has 3 special needs children, one which has an undiagnosed neuro-muscular condition that limits her mobility, and her twins are currently receiving therapy for sensory defensiveness, physical mobility, fine motor skills, and speech. She enjoys sharing what she has learned through her trials, experience, research, and tools that have helped her children’s health with other parents who are looking for support, encouragement, and helpful information. Get her FREE eBooklet Five Steps to Losing Those Last 10 Pounds today for simple steps to help you trim up and fit into those fashionable clothes you’ve always wanted to wear! Connect with Jess live today on Facebook!

Marriage is Harder These Days Than Ever

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