I am reading the book Sacred Marriage right now, and I have to say, I think I agree with the author’s general concept: marriage wasn’t created to make us happy but to make us holy.
God isn’t looking for a happy people. He’s looking for a people who trust Him. A people who realize that apart from Him, they are nothing. A people that put others above themselves. A people that run to Him first. A people that are teachable and allow character to be built in them. A people that find contentment in everything that is thrown at them.
Marriage is a perfect place to learn to find contentment, while your character is being built and while you focus on God first to pull you through, especially when your spouse isn’t the one to do it.
Far too often are we told and believe that marriage is lovely, wonderful, and rosy. We grow up with fairy tales. However, the last time I looked, I wasn’t a princess living in a castle. I have learned that I’m God’s princess and that He longs to give me the desires of my heart.
But what kind of father would He be if He always let us have our way, never let anything negatively affect us, and always stepped in before anything bad ever happens? What kind of parent would that make you to your kids? Your kids would never learn how to walk on their own two feet, strong, steady, and secure. They would crumble as adults whenever they would have to look for new work, got their heart broken, or had to face uncertainty. What do you think would happen to you if every time something bad was headed your way, God stepped in to shelter you from it?
If we allow it, God can use our own mistakes, our disagreements with our spouse, and the negative things we are surrounded with for our good (Romans 8:28). If we choose to have character built in us, He is trustworthy to do it. Having character means growing in trust and truth, growing in our understanding of others, growing in our integrity and honesty, growing in our love and not judgments of others. Marriage is a perfect place for us to learn those things… again… if we let it.
Of course, marriage offers plenty of opportunities to get your feelings hurt, to react like a child and slam doors, stomp your feet, or throw a temper tantrum. And as the author of Sacred Marriage notes, you also had those same reactions to your parents and siblings growing up, too. It happens with people you live with, because you are so close to them. However, back then, you were a child and didn’t know there was a better way to respond. Hopefully, it has or you will let it be groomed into you to respond differently as an adult. As adults, we are given the chance to make things right as many times, if not more, as we were given as children. However, this time, we can let it mold us, change us, and become better grown ups for it.
Your kids are watching you. What are they learning? Are you teaching them how to behave like a child in marriage or how to behave as you wish they would when they get older? Are you focused so much on the hurts and wrongs done to you that you aren’t willing to grow?
All of us who are married have problems. If someone tells you they don’t, they are in denial. We all have some time that our feelings are hurt, or something didn’t go as planned, or you were met with rejection… or in some cases, even worse. One thing I have learned is that it doesn’t matter what you go through, God can use all sorts of circumstances to teach the exact same lessons to different people. A teachable person may “get it” a lot faster than a stubborn one, though. Personally, I prefer to remain teachable. It’s easier to find a place to be content when you allow yourself to grow and mature faster.
I hope you will start looking at your marriage as a place to grow personally and a place to teach your kids. They are watching your every move. Find contentment. Find peace. Find yourself… the one God loves and adores.
As Dr. Jack Atnip says, “it is better to have peace than to be right.”
How can you change to put others first, find contentment in your current situation, and learn to love without judgment?
Share this with your married friends and family so they know they aren’t alone in wondering if their marriage is the only one not exactly like the fairy tales they grew up watching and so they can learn what growth can come from their marriage. Simply use the sharing buttons below!
Jessica Stone is a wife, mom to 4, and owner of her own businesses in the fitness and essential oils industries. She has 3 special needs children, one which has an undiagnosed neuro-muscular condition that limits her mobility, and her twins are currently receiving therapy for sensory defensiveness, physical mobility, fine motor skills, and speech. She enjoys sharing what she has learned through her trials, experience, research, and tools that have helped her children’s health with other parents who are looking for support, encouragement, and helpful information. Get her FREE gift to you, 30 Easy Snacks Your Kids Will Devour: Eating Healthy Never Got So Simple, to help you feed your kids quick & healthy! Connect with Jess live today on Facebook!