I have grown up feeling like it’s not ok to share my feelings openly or what’s really going on behind closed doors. I don’t think it was my upbringing any more than society itself. You know what I’m talking about. You see someone without a smile on their face, you ask how they are, and their response is “fine” ~ yea, right!
Part of the reason I created this site was to have a safe place for families to come to for hope, reassurance, and connection. However, I have realized that I’ve still been “shielding” the outside world from the real me. The me that cries in the shower so no one witnesses it, because I have to stay strong for my family. The me that has gotten bruises on my knees from hitting the floor, crying out to God for His divine direction and intervention.
I hide those days that I wake up angry. Angry at the situation I’m in. Angry that we are having to find our own way around the special needs world. Angry that my family has been affected by some crazy disease that we don’t even know the name of. And angry that it’s still an issue, 5 years later.
I have days I want to scream. I have days I want to throw up and feel on the verge of it. I have days I feel totally lost for words when my kids start asking why they, or their sister, are different than their friends at school.
I know they are all opportunities for teaching them. And that’s what I do. But teaching doesn’t make those emotions go away. Teaching doesn’t make the feelings I have gotten deep in my gut disappear.
When you are the parent of a child with any needs above the norm, you are changed. Life is different. You know others try to relate to you, but they can’t, because they have never lived a day in your household. You see the sympathy and compassion in others’ eyes. You also see the disgust on faces of people that have no clue, don’t care to know, and want nothing to do with your child. You deal with the hurt in your child’s heart for not understanding why kids at school laugh during P.E. And as a parent, you have to keep it together and stay strong as a little girl in the hall at school practically shouts, “what’s wrong with her?!?!” while trying to just simply get your child into their classroom to learn.
All these things change life. They add an element to it that the average person can’t fathom. They don’t know how fast you have to be on your feet about dealing with initial reactions to other people’s responses, determining the correct way to handle it, and executing well so no one’s feelings are hurt.
The thing that keeps me going through all of this is knowing that my God saw something in me that was capable of doing this! He saw my strength, or abilities, or love, or kindness… or something. I’m not sure what it is. What I do know is God gave us these kids for a reason. He specifically chose MY family. He chose me. And I’m not about to let Him down!
I’ll take the emotional roller coaster. I’ll take the doctors appointments. I’ll take driving to therapy. I’ll take the new equipment. I’ll take the driving 3 hours one way just to see the next person who is trying to help. I’ll take the juggling everyone’s needs with everyone else’s needs. Because I know, God knew this from the beginning. He knew what each child would need. He knew my heart. And He knows the outcome.
It’s my job to keep pressing forward, to keep believing Him and trusting Him to pull us through, and to keep sharing with others and loving on them because we know EXACTLY how you feel!
You are loved! You are prayed for! You are treasured… both by my family and by God! It is for you that I take time to do this every day ~ encouraging you, sharing with you helpful ways of getting healthy and getting your kids healthy that have worked for my own family, and providing a place of connection and resources.
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Jessica Stone is a wife, mom to 4, and owner of her own businesses in the fitness and essential oils industries. She has 3 special needs children, one which has an undiagnosed neuro-muscular condition that limits her mobility, and her twins are currently receiving therapy for sensory defensiveness, physical mobility, fine motor skills, and speech. She enjoys sharing what she has learned through her trials, experience, research, and tools that have helped her children’s health with other parents who are looking for support, encouragement, and helpful information. Get her FREE gift to you, 30 Easy Snacks Your Kids Will Devour: Eating Healthy Never Got So Simple, to help you feed your kids quick & healthy! Connect with Jess live today on Facebook!